Friday, September 18, 2009

If You're Struggling with the F-word...

'Foreclosure', that is.

The following is a guest post by Christi from Jealous Hands.

***

Our house will be foreclosed on October 6.

I'll bet it's happening to someone YOU know, too.

What I feared for so long is finally happening, and you know what? I have complete peace about it.

I've spent the most of the last year unable {or unwilling} to be happy - and making everyone else around me miserable, too. And what I had to learn is this: it's okay to still be happy, it's okay to still live your life while in the midst of something like this. It's not the end of the world. Yes, it stinks! Well, at least it did in the beginning to me. Now, honestly, I have just let it go. To say I don't care sounds like I'm calloused or irresponsible or something - and that's not it.

I lost almost a year of my life {and my family's life} worrying, fretting, acting ugly over this. Being mad, yes at God - because why would He allow this to happen to us? And the reality is, this is a fallen world and the world is in the shape it's in because we are sinners - in SPITE of God, not because of Him which is where my perspective was wrong. So, I don't care anymore. I don't worry about the house that's being left behind, which is next door to the house we're moving into. We're fortunate that we HAVE somewhere to go, although the Lord will have to pay for it, because we sure can't do it! It's okay.

It took me a long time to get to this place. And please don't think I'm advocating just throwing up your hands, or walking away from something that you've a responsibility for. But we just couldn't do it anymore. The money simply is not there. We haven't done anything wrong - yet we've been judged, looked down on, distanced from family and friends, and had to console other people when we were the ones in crisis.

Finally, after lots of anger and tears I got back on my knees and I know that's where I should've been all along. It's still a journey EVERY hour, EVERY day. I was so caught up in what might happen in the future, that I couldn't be happy with the day I'd been given. I wasted a year worrying about a day that hadn't come yet. I couldn't see how to be happy, when I "knew" misery & uncertainty were lurking right around the corner.

Uncertainty doesn't have to be something that takes away inward rest.

Now that we're here, though - it's not what I thought it would be. I've already gone through the heartbreak and misery. It almost, very nearly, tore us apart. We've had to work together and get creative to carve out a new normal for our family. There are amazing opportunities ahead of us, and I'm finally excited thinking about the possibilities. We're still living a blessed life.

It takes courage, faith and hope to step into the unknown. I wanted to run away, but He kept calling me back.

What I want you to know - especially if you're facing this situation - is that it IS okay. Please don't waste your life worrying, even about your children {which was always my biggest concern, how will MY BOYS deal with this}. Please don't become so hard that your marriage is on the line. Please don't get to the point that you look back and realize that you've wasted a year, and those are minutes and days and memories that you can't get back.

Life isn't perfect. Thankfully It doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful.

1 comment:

Rev. and Mrs. Zotzman's Blog said...

AMEN!!! So true, it is so hard when it comes to situations like those or whatever situation not become distracted by worry. Thank God that I know everyday, my life is in His hands and He already knows the outcome!!!